When a pet dies, the love we’ve invested doesn’t simply disappear — but all too often, the social support we need does. Many pet parents experience intense sorrow, yet are left to grieve quietly because others don’t fully see or validate their loss. This is called: disenfranchised grief.

Disenfranchised grief describes loss that is not acknowledged, socially supported, or openly mourned. In these situations, the emotional experience exists — but the social recognition that validates it doesn’t — and that makes it all so much harder.

What Is Disenfranchised Grief?

The term "disenfranchised grief" comes from grief researcher Dr. Kenneth Doka, who defined it as grief that society doesn’t recognize as legitimate. When grief isn’t acknowledged, the person grieving is often left feeling invisible or wrong for feeling pain in the first place.

Loss of a companion animal is a well-documented example of disenfranchised grief. Research shows that pet loss frequently goes unrecognized — even when the emotional bond is deep and meaningful — which can lead to feelings of isolation, shame, and prolonged distress.

Why Pet Loss Is Often Dismissed

One reason pet loss becomes disenfranchised is that society still tends to rank grief in a hierarchy — often placing human loss at the top and animal loss somewhere lower. Many people simply don’t understand the psychological meaning of the human–animal bond, and so they unintentionally invalidate the pain of pet parents.

In one cross-cultural survey, grief reactions following the death of a pet were commonly experienced as disenfranchised because participants lacked meaningful support and recognition from others. The experience of intense loss without acknowledgment left many participants feeling alone and unsupported.

Another review confirms that bereaved pet owners frequently report feelings of embarrassment, loneliness, and disenfranchisement after their companion animal’s death — highlighting just how real and impactful this type of grief can be.

The Emotional Toll of Hidden Grief

Disenfranchised grief can complicate and prolong the bereavement process. When someone doesn’t feel seen in their pain:

• Grief can feel heavier and more isolating

• Self-doubt can arise — “Am I overreacting?”

• Guilt and shame may intensify

• Healing can feel stalled or suffocated

  
  

Even when grief is intense and deeply felt, the absence of social acknowledgment can make someone feel as if they’re “supposed to be over it by now.” But in reality, the grief is real — and deserving of space, expression, and care

How Disenfranchised Grief Shows Up

People grieving a pet loss might:

• Struggle to talk about their feelings because others minimize or joke about the loss

• Feel reluctant to seek support because they fear judgment

• Be told things like “It was ‘just’ a dog/cat/bird/rabbit, etc”

• Sense others shifting the topic or changing the subject

  
  

This dismissal adds pain to the original loss and can make the grieving person feel as if their bond was not understood or respected.

When Your Grief Isn’t Recognized

Even when others don’t validate the loss, there are ways to honor your grief and support your healing:

1. Seek Out Supportive Communities

Find grief support groups, online forums, or circles of people who understand pet loss as real and significant.

2. Create Your Own Rituals

Rituals — like memorials, letters, candles, photo collages, or planting a tree — provide personal acknowledgment and an emotional container for grief.

3. Tell Your Story

Sharing memories with others who validate your loss can be incredibly healing. It gives your grief a voice instead of burying it in silence.

4. Consider Professional Support

A therapist or counsellor who understands disenfranchised grief can help you process not only the loss but the experience of not being seen in your grief.

Final Thought

I often hear clients worry about “repeating” their story and fear being a burden to others. Yet in my opinion, in grief, there is no such thing as telling your story too many times. Each retelling brings something new—a feeling, a memory, a realization.

Grief is not a competition — and losing a beloved pet is not a “lesser” loss. When your sorrow is dismissed or minimized, it doesn’t mean your love wasn’t deep or real. It means the world needs to grow in its understanding of how powerful the human-animal bond truly is.

Your grief matters. Your loss matters. And you deserve acknowledgement, compassion, and support as you walk your healing journey.