Ambiguous Grief

Grief doesn’t always follow a clear, linear path—especially when we don’t get the closure we need. If you’ve ever lost a pet to unknown circumstances—like they went missing, were stolen, re-homed unexpectedly, or surrendered during a crisis—you may be experiencing something called ambiguous grief.

What Is Ambiguous Grief?

Dr. Pauline Boss, ambiguous loss refers to a type of grief that arises when there is no certainty, no confirmed loss, and no clear closure. It’s a unique form of emotional pain where the loved one—human or animal—is physically absent but psychologically very present (Boss, 2007).

This chronic uncertainty can make it incredibly difficult to grieve or begin healing in a traditional sense.

For pet guardians, ambiguous grief can look like:

• Constantly wondering, “What if they’re still out there?”

• Guilt over not knowing what happened

• Difficulty moving on or adopting again

• Reliving the last moment you saw them

• Holding onto hope while also grieving the loss

Why Ambiguous Grief Hurts So Much

The brain is wired to seek patterns, closure, and resolution. When a pet goes missing or their whereabouts are unknown, our minds often stay in a heightened state of anxiety, toggling between hope and despair. It’s mentally exhausting. As Dr. Boss explains, “closure” is a myth, especially in ambiguous loss. What we need instead is meaning, support, and the ability to hold both hope and grief at the same time (Boss, 2022). 

What May Help

1. Name It – Just recognizing that you’re experiencing ambiguous grief can be validating. You’re not “crazy” for still checking the door or feeling stuck months (or years) later.

2. Rituals Help – Even without closure, small rituals like lighting a candle, creating a photo book, or journaling to your pet can offer emotional space for both hope and mourning.

3. Talk About It – Share your story with people who understand. Many pet guardians silently carry ambiguous grief because they’re afraid others won’t “get it.” They do. We do.

4. Therapy Can Help – Trauma-informed therapy or grief counselling can support you in making sense of the loss, without needing a clear ending.

5. You’re Not Alone – Pet loss support groups offer safe, compassionate spaces to grieve openly—even without closure.

A Gentle Reminder

Ambiguous grief is just as valid and painful as any other kind of grief. It deserves acknowledgment, care, and support. You may never get the answers you’re hoping for—and that’s a heartbreak all its own—but you can still find your way toward peace, even in the presence of uncertainty.